Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize