Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
