also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
