On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
