its not stalking. its research.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
