Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
