Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
