EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
