It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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