i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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