you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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