Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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