If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
