I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
