I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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