things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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