my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
