I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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