You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
