that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
