I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
