Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
