i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
