We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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