barbara walters just said penis...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
