omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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