Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
