I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
