So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
