First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
