guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize