maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
