So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
