Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
