My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
