Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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