guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
