can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
