When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dignity is for republicans.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
