Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
