so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
