How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
