i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
