You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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