Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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