oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
