i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
