Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
