He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
