Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
kristin has been a bad kristin
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
