i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
