Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
