Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
