i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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