Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
