Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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