ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
