I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My balls are so social today.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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