TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
