I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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