i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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