Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
