So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
