Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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