What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
