if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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