eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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