margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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