I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
