I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
