he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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