So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
