its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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