I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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