can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
