im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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