Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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