I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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