god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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